My Daily Spiritual Practice To Go Within

How I find my way back to myself every single day.

This is what I try to do to bring myself back to my inner kingdom, to my inner light, to my body, and to root myself in the intimacy of my soul. 

It's been a long while now that I've desired to receive all wisdom and guidance from within. It didn't happen over night and it took me many trials and errors, setbacks that were frozen for weeks at a time, surrendering and surrendering some more, trust, and more importantly, DISCIPLINE. 

For a long time, I yearned to be spiritually nourished from within...to have a love affair with my soul and with spirit. 

An intimate and mystical life is a daily initiation and something we must make time for. It wasn't until I created space and time for my practices that they began to take a life on their own and that inner bridge between me, my heart, and my soul became my main well for everything. 

Here are the non-negotiable practices that I call my own to live from the inside out: 

1. Daily Internal Silence. 

Some call it meditation.

The most effective form of meditation for me has been internal silence. When I first began to meditate nearly five years ago, I used guided meditations on YouTube, Mantra-based meditations to train my mind to learn how to receive and maintain silence within myself. I would say that after about 3 years of doing regular meditations, I was able (most of the time, still not perfect) to shift my consciousness within a few minutes of closing my eyes and turning within. 

My inner voice is very faint, unassuming, and at the beginning of this process, it really felt like I was pulling thin strings out of my consciousness. I had to stay close to them...not letting doubts within that space...gently taking their hands and moving them on the side until I could attend to them after my encounter with my soul. 

I usually spent about 10 to 15 minutes in silence or until I feel the wisdom/guidance is complete and there is nothing else coming in. I surround myself with a few stones from Sainte-Baume as it helps me connect with the energy there and I like to light a candle as well in reverence. 

It was helpful at first to use journaling as yet another bridge over to my internal guidance. I would ask a question, pray for protection and Truth, and begin to write down the thoughts that would come to me. After a page or two, the inner voice would shift to a wiser and calmer tone. Although I do often write down the wisdom I receive down onto paper for recording purposes, I no longer need to go through the writing route to connect to my inner stream of truth. 

I usually try to incorporate some quiet time for ten minutes in the morning while my coffee is brewing...even if it is repeating the mantra "holy light, holy light, come into me" for two minutes while standing at my kitchen counter. It elevates my internal climate and it is something built-in my normal routine. I always do my longer meditation right before dinner time if I can't get to it in the morning. Right between homework and cooking time. My daughters are used to it now and they know not to disturb me unless the house is on fire. 

2. Letting go of external guidance for some time.

I began to build my interior spiritual life by studying and practicing a metaphysical system called A Course in Miracles back in in 2013. After doing the practical aspect of the Course two consecutive times, I was led to the care of my inner teacher, a presence of love and discernment that was greater than my own mind. Last year, I quit from reading spiritual books and attending self-help workshops to build a wisdom of my own. We only truly need a basic understanding of universal spiritual laws and the rest of our self-building wisdom comes through life experiences. I had read enough self-help books for the rest of my life and I wanted to trust in my internal teacher on a full-time basis. I finally took the jump and began to rely solely on my internal, faint voice of wisdom. There wasn't much of anything at first but I kept going nevertheless. A few months ensuing my decision, a sentence or two would string up together without the intermediary of my journal. Those sentences became meditation techniques to heal my womb, to release old grievances, and to inhale more love into my being. 

I know that these meditations were customized for me and there's nothing more comforting than being reminded of the Universe's love for me in that way. 

3. Inhabiting my body.

Healing my relationship with my emotions has been a major shift in my life. A fear of vulnerability and  divorce and failures in my romantic relationships kept me disassociated from my own body. I never wanted to get too close to the fear in my gut of being seen for who I really was underneath the personal of a healed woman for my wounds were breathing loudly under my skin. It seemed dangerous to move closer to my unconscious pain and it would surely prevent me from functioning in reality. I was perceiving my body as the cause of my self-loathing. My body had been the first target of the unconscious individuals who had brought me down to the lowest cast possible so it was my body that I had to keep at a safe distance. I had learned to love my mind for what it could do but I couldn't love the sum and victim of past loathing. It was as if my body was a walking hologram of the cutting words and insults, keeping the self-rejection alive every single day. 

How did I deal with it for once and for all? Well I didn't. Embodiment is a daily practice. The Class by Taryn Toomey was a cathartic door opener to my own heart space. My first class in Taryn's studio knocked down walls that had been too tall for me claim over. The Class is a mind-body experience that leads us into the layers of our body and the pain floating within. The cardiovascular exercises and heart-centered movements walked me through my discomfort so that I could finally stand in front of my pain and my heart's echoes without any resistance. For a month following my first true heart encounter, I would spend 15 minutes at night with my hands placed on my heart and I would ask it questions as one would ask questions to soothe a frightened little girl. 

"How do you feel now? Do you feel safe? What are you worrying about? Have I listened to you today? Do you feel heard? How can I truly be there for you?" Still holding my hands on my heart to keep the intimacy hot and burning. 

When I need to reconnect to my heart, to the sit of my feminine power that is my womb, I simply breathe awareness into them. After clearing the trauma from my womb (read more here, all the weight of self-betrayal and dismissive lovers was gone, thus creating more empty space for my own awareness to reign within its sacred walls. 

4. I choose to trust in my Truth above all. 

I choose to honor my intuition before my ego. Trust in my small voice inside of me is the most important elements in reclaiming myself and my soul. It's the simplest yet the most difficult capacity to develop. But it is a choice. The Universe could reveal all of itself to me on my meditation pillow but if I don't trust my tiny voice, it will be useless. Trust in myself is a devotion in and of itself. It does not come naturally but it becomes a stronger bridge as I walk back and forth between my soul and my fears. 

Trust. 

Trust. 

Trust.