As a Mystic, Here's Why I am Still Single

Photo: Greta Tuckute

Photo: Greta Tuckute

"You have done well In the contest of madness.

You were brave in that holy war.

You have all the honorable wounds Of one who has tried to find love."

- Hafiz

A mystic is simply a person who feels the Divine personally, inwardly, and directly. 

I think and I hope that many of you will relate to this. For a little while, I have lost complete interesting and excitement in dating. 

As I asked my best friend her opinion on the matter (she is the dating expert), she said that I was drained and exhausted. True dat. And I have come to another realization. 

I think I might have become the pickiest woman in the world in terms of dating. I have developed sufficient self-awareness to know that I don't sustain high standards for my romantic partner out of fear. My selection is not a fort of self-sabotaging protection so that no one will get to my heart and soul. To the contrary. 

I was sitting in front of a Black Madonna a couple of weeks ago in a Paris church and I felt a warm, sweet flux of love filling my heart. It was more comforting and reassuring than most romantic love I had experienced in a little while now. 

And I could any human love mount up to that kind of complete Love that was the Love within the Love within the Love of the Infinite? 

Was that why some women chose to enter the religious order to become betrothed to the Divine? Because at some point in their lives, they became aware that the Divine love they had tasted could never equal any love from the outside world, no matter how pure it could be -- it was still weaved with our wounded humanity. 

Once we experience mystical love from on High, everything else takes on a very different taste.  I wonder if this mystical love will ruin my preferences forever...setting up unattainable expectations for my partner. I hope not but it is still too early to tell my friends. 

I have become filled with a love transcended by splendor, by a lavish fire that burns in the chest and anything less than courteous courtship defined by respect and interest for my soul first has become bland and of no magnetic interest to me.

It is not a path that I had ever anticipated but this year of internal healing has naturally carved out that internal bridge between my mental desire for love and my internal, personal, mystical well of love. 

A few years ago, I had noticed a certain pattern in the lives of my spiritual teachers: many modern Feminine Mystics were single and I couldn't help but wonder why.

Their private life is none not of my business but as examples of spiritual embodiment, that curiosity naturally arose. I think I even Googled it at the time. Why Caroline Myss is single. 

Ultimately, we are here to be fully human and experience all the emotions, the colors, the lost hopes, the dreams, the highs, and the lows of being human. 

We cannot surpass what we do not own and assume and bypassing my human experiences has always left me disconnected from my body, my soul, and the love that was trying to let itself into my heart and body. So I am certainly not dismissing the grandeur of human love -- we are here to open our hearts to transform them into jars of heavenly love to spread everywhere we walk. 

Relationships have been my most treasured grounds for growth and the return to myself. I couldn't have dived deep within myself if it wasn't for hitting the thickest walls after every breakup. 

I know that the burning presence of the Beloved beneath my chest is the cushion of cosmic love that filters what doesn't honor me and what dismisses my soul. 

Over the years of wanting to love myself and not feeling that true love inside my bones, I kept digging deeper into my own heart...releasing the experiences that had slashed my soul and left me abandoned in distressed rags, holding onto any scraps of love I could get. 

I chose silence with my tears over spiritual distraction. My spiritual techniques had been important doorways to the Divine but they were not the Divine (thank you Raylene Abbott for the magnificent metaphor). 

But we don't want scraps of love. 

We are worthy of the highest devotion...and that holy bond must begin within so that it may be reflected into the eyes of another. 

My friends, 

If you feel that you have been single for too long, please please don't believe there is anything wrong with you. I am utterly convinced that there is something in your soul fully cognizant of what you deserve and it awaiting in time. In perfect time. Your soul will navigate space and time for you to meet the right individual for you...he or she will not pass you if you stay faithful to yourself...your soul...what you desire to experience in your wildest dreams. 

I know so. 

I love you. 

Trust what you want and trust even more what you don't want. 

Here is how I ignite that inner fire...

I return to silence when my emotions flood me. I ask my body where it feels its urges for love, its fears, its punches, its tears. I place my hands on them...being present with myself and for myself is mark of love that my subconscious and inner child can trust...the emotions are given the permission to exist. I place my hands on my heart to activate the remembrance of the flames of love. All of me begins to bask in unconditional love. All the fibers of my being bond together in silence and new pathways for acceptance and true love are created. 

I know that as long as I keep the diamond of my inner love alive and bright with my presence and in daily silence, I know that Life will orchestrate the One meant for me and until then, I will enjoy life knowing that Love breathes within me. 

You have done well my beloved friends in the pursuit of we are all want -- the most honest love in the Universe. Don't give up on what you really want. 

In love and grace,